When Johnny Met Rosie--Women in EMS Part 7: Parenting from the Abyss

This month's offering is not truly gender-inclined, but has to do with EMS providers as parents. Since everyone has a mom, I think it qualifies as a topic that women in EMS can relate to.

I recently had the privilege of speaking at the Kansas EMSC Symposium. It was a great opportunity that allowed me to visit a part of the country I had never seen before, and I met some absolutely fantastic people who believe very strongly in what they do and the quality that goes into how they do it. When they contacted me about the opportunity, I was asked to prepare three topics. The third topic caught me off-guard: Do EMS parents overprotect their children based on the nature of their personal experience in their career choice?

Basically I was being asked to explain how our jobs might cause us to bubble wrap our children to prevent them from being exposed to risk because of things we deal with in our jobs. Truthfully, it does make sense. Considering the average EMS provider in his or her career sees a true range of the worst life and disease has to offer, it is not such a stretch to think we would reflexively work that much harder to protect those closest to our hearts. Considering that I have four children, and they're all still alive--despite their best attempts to the contrary--I sat back and evaluated what I permit as far as risk goes.

It became very clear in short order that I was the wrong person to ask about this.

Parenting Research Begins

Many people like to joke about being the "Addams Family," but I have yet to meet one that truly meets that bar...except for mine. There is a full-sized replica of Blackbeard's flag flying from my garage and a 10' quarantine sign becomes visible when the door goes up. My children can explain the mechanics of a trebuchet and even my five-year old girl wields a small battleaxe with some measure of expertise. Heck, over the summer, my stepson took first place in a tomahawk-throwing competition at a black powder festival in Alaska. We have multi-generational aficionados of the zombie genre and our version of a fun family trip usually involves a ghost tour. We are "that house"--you know the one I mean, every neighborhood has one.

Afraid to use myself as a fair parameter, I began to research parenting from an EMS perspective. I found there is very little out there (i.e., practically none) about issues that have to do with having an emergency provider as a parent, and if there is any difference in how they treat their children. Perhaps it just isn't a subject considered to have any long-term value or impact, or perhaps as a young profession nobody has gotten around to it. Regardless of cause, it makes it difficult to try and assign any real data boundaries to the subject.

So I hit the beat and began asking questions. I went in person, talked on the phone, sent texts--to almost all EMS, with some firefighters and police for sprinkled in for good measure--all asking the same thing. "Do you overprotect your children?" The answers all followed a similar vein and were almost completely unanimous: no.

Again I was taken by surprised. I honestly expected a little bit of a mix in responses--from those who believe in a Darwinian approach straight through to those who might construct a germ-free, rated-G environment with an almost fanatic quality. But the answers remained the same, or similar. As far as EMS parents went, they did not feel they went to any extremes beyond other parents when it came to protecting their children. However, when you looked at everyone's response, I did notice a few trends I feel were unique to us as parents.

Taking the Familiar in Stride

It isn't so much what we protect our children from, but rather what it is we are actually afraid of that sets us apart from "normal" parents.

There may be no image as more heartrending than that of a seriously ill or injured child. Parents who view one immediately call to mind images of their own children, a natural fear that blossoms in the pit of their stomach as surely as if someone punched them. It is, of course, a fear for any parent that their child might succumb to a disease or get seriously injured, but it is not the greatest fear.