EMS Movies We`d Like to See

Looking for a good EMS movie? As they say in New York, fuhgeddaboutit. Accurate and entertaining EMS portrayals are as rare as rich medics. I reached that conclusion during exhausting, even perilous research for my article Lights, Camera, Lunacy! in this month's EMS World Magazine. (Try watching Skid Marks four or five days in a row, then see if you still want to wake up the next morning.) I knew I'd hit bottom when I tried convincing my wife that The Godfather is an EMS flick because there's an ambulance scene. I'll never forget how Helen looked at me with those enchanting hazel eyes, gently squeezed my hand, then told me she's afraid for our children.

How do EMS providers handle adversity? We improvise. We adapt. We make stuff up. I opted for the latter: nine whimsical EMS-themed movies that would be no worse than what's already out there. Let us know what you think:

Walking Out the Dead--Longtime partners Bart and Brett, dispatched to a "sick" call in an urban high-rise, ask their cachectic 86-year-old to walk downstairs, then retract that request when they notice he's not breathing. Suspense builds as the medics debate whether "leaving all the equipment in the truck" meets the criteria for obvious death.

The Man Who Would Be Chief--Eighty-six-year-old EMT Thomas "Scoop" Sager knows a thing or two about trauma, and proves it in this poignant retrospective look at an EMS lifer. "All I've ever wanted is to help people...and maybe buy a secondhand scanner," Scoop reflects, while changing the batteries in his 12-cell Maglite. The film is ambiguous about who caused Scoop's obsession with exsanguination: Was it the grammar-school classmate who brought a lacerated liver to show-and-tell, or the obstetrician who delivered Scoop with extra-large forceps?

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Cath Lab--The nightmare begins for Harold Dimwickett when, after being admitted to Our Lady of Ambivalence Hospital for chest pain, he's mistaken for Mrs. Dimwickett. He endures patronizing physicians, pamphlets about being "Fifty and Fabulous," a roommate who only wants to talk about her chrysanthemums, and even hormone replacement, but checks himself out when he's scheduled for a hysterectomy.

Indiana Jones and the Infusion Pump--The fourth and final sequel in this series begins after Indy changes careers from swashbuckling, treasure-hunting, Nazi-annihilating archaeologist to interfacility transport medic. When none of his patients live longer than five minutes under his care, an investigation finds Jones, still preoccupied with ancient Rome, has been misinterpreting the abbreviation for milliliters as 1,050 units of whatever drug he's giving.

Dead Man Waking--Concerned about disappointing post-arrest survival statistics, the AHA commissioned this documentary about revising algorithms for emergent cardiac care. The highlight of the film is the reassignment of Class I recommendations ("Procedure/treatment or diagnostic test/assessment should be performed/administered") to either Class Ia ("Procedure/treatment/experiment or diagnostic test/assessment/estimate/Kentucky windage should be performed/administered/considered over cocktails") or Class Ib ("Idea/dream/rumor or opinion/tweet/witchcraft should be inflicted/selected at random/debated for another five years").

The Lidocaine Mutiny--Ever wonder why we keep treating ventricular fibrillation with drugs that don't work? The Lidocaine Mutiny answers that question by exposing controversy and conflict surrounding a popular antiarrhythmic. Without giving away the plot, let's just say lidocaine was a compromise between two other substances: paprika and pickle brine. All three were thought to terminate v-fib. In poinsettias. Unfortunately, lidocaine never fulfilled that promise in humans, possibly because of our genetic chlorophyll deficiency.

When a Stranger Falls--After responding to a "man down," novice medics Randy and Kevin can't agree on whether their elderly cardiac patient is having an ST-segment elevation MI (STEMI) or a non-ST-segment elevation MI (NSTEMI), so they compromise and declare a "TU-segment completely hidden" MI (TUCHMI), then initiate ad hoc therapy consisting of arugula, seltzer and St. John's wort.

Hello, Vollie! --The National Association of Independent Volunteer EMTs produced this training film to expedite the assimilation of EMS novices into the world of bake sales, membership drives and interminable monthly meetings. This NAIVE look at prehospital care is best summarized by the school-bus-vs.-rhododendron-bush scene, where 34 first-graders are backboarded and collared after complaining only of being frightened by all those backboards and collars. (Memo to my fellow volunteers: Lighten up--it's a comedy!)

A Few Good Firemen--It's late Christmas Eve at the McCaffreys' in this holiday classic. The entire family, decked out in matching red and green caftans, shares a carafe of holiday cheer. Granny McCaffrey, who's had a little more cheer than the others, announces she's going to look for Santa Claus. The family chuckles at Granny's impertinence, then resumes reminiscing about Christmases long ago. Suddenly, there's an unmistakable sound from above. "That must be Santa!" 6-year-old Jimmy McCaffrey announces. "He's on the roof with his reindeer!"

Unfortunately, Jimmy isn't old enough to know the difference between reindeer hoofs and orthopedic pumps. What he heard was Granny on the roof--until she tried to get a closer look at Sagittarius and fell into an okra patch. Responding firefighters endure repeated "Which one of you is Rudolph?" queries from a concussed Granny before taking her for "a sleigh ride."

Mike Rubin, BS, NREMT-P, is a paramedic in Nashville, TN, and a member of EMS World Magazine's editorial advisory board. Contact him at mgr22@prodigy.net.